Catholic Faith Refresher Course

 THE SINS AGAINST MARRIAGE

"For they who in such manner receive matrimony, as to shut out God from themselves, and from their mind, and to give themselves to their lust. ..over them the devil hath power." (Tobias 6:17)

DIRECTIONS TO THE STUDENT     Too many converts to the Catholic Faith have sought out unlawful separations, even divorces. Some in good faith even practice birth control. The reason is that they did not understand these sins when they received instructions. Every sin talked about in this lesson is a mortal sin. Please understand your Christian obligations before you enter the Catholic Church!

You must speak with a priest about your particular obligations before you become a Catholic. He wants to examine with you your marriage status and explain to you your obligations. He will tell you whether your marriage is valid or invalid. Are you separated or divorced from your spouse? Tell the priest so that he can explain your obligations to you. Are you keeping company now? Be sure to tell Father and find out if it is all right or all wrong to go on with your company keeping. Was your married partner ever married to another? Were you ever married before?

Were you or was your partner a Catholic before you married? Are you getting along well with your wife (husband), or are you contemplating a separation? These are most important matters that you must bring to the attention of the priest privately. Everything you tell him will be kept in strict confidence.

A. REFUSING THE MARRIAGE DUTY  
 The marriage duty means that a married person is obliged to give intercourse to his (or her) partner whenever it is reasonably asked for (if the marriage is valid of course). It is usually a mortal sin to refuse when the request is reasonable. To refuse the marriage debt is in many cases just as serious as adultery. It is a sin against justice because the married partner has a right to intercourse. You gave him (her) this right on your wedding day. The Bible clearly teaches this duty:

" Let the husband render the debt to his wife: and the wife also in like manner to the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body: but the husband. And like manner the husband also hath not power of his own body: but the wife. Defraud not one another, except, perhaps, by consent, for a time, that you may give yourselves to prayer, and return together again, lest Satan tempt you for your incontinency". (1Cor. 7:3-5)

The refusal gives rise to other sins or severe temptations, for example to adultery , self-abuse, separation, divorce, anger, and drunkenness. Sometimes a married person has a right to refuse the marriage duty , for example when the person asking is drunk or insane, when the husband is guilty of non-support, when there is a case of sickness or when there is danger to the unborn child.

However, a married person should not be always insisting on his (her) rights but should be thoughtful of the other person. A marriage, to be successful, must be based on self-sacrifice and mutual love and esteem.

God intended that both husband and wife should get complete satisfaction from intercourse. If you have a difficulty, see a good Catholic doctor. Intercourse is a holy action between husband and wife, made by God for a very holy purpose, the conception of children.

B. ADULTERY    
Adultery is sexual intercourse which a married person has with someone to whom he (or she) is not married. Fornication is intercourse between two unmarried persons. Both adultery and fornication are mortal sins, but adultery is worse because besides being a sin against God, it is also a sin against your married partner. It is a sin against justice as well as a sin against chastity. Read what that Bible says. Because a great number of people commit adultery doesn't make it all right. God tells us in the Bible that adultery is wrong.

"Fornicators and adulterers God will punish." (Heb.13:4) "Thou shalt not commit adultery." (Ex. 20:14) .'Know you not that the unjust shall not possess the kingdom of God. " (I Cor. 6:9-10)

Adultery was punished by death in the Old Testament: "If any man commit adultery with the wife of another and defile his neighbor's wife: let them be put to death both the adulterer and the adulteress. " (Lev. 20: 10) " He that is an adulterer, for the folly of his heart shall destroy his own soul." (Prov.6:32)

If you have trouble in your married life, come to the rectory and talk it over with one of the priests. You can prevent separation by facing your problems as an adult. In most cases separation is not the solution.

Only the Church can grant a separation. The case must go to the matrimonial court of the Catholic Church. You must not separate on your own authority, or just after a decision of a civil court. Don't go to a lawyer. See the parish priest! A Catholic will be in serious trouble in the Catholic Church if he seeks a divorce through lawyers and the civil courts without bringing his case to the Separation Court of the Catholic Church!

C. DIVORCE

There is no such thing as a divorce which allows remarriage. It is very clear in the Bible that God does not recognize divorce. " A woman is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth: but if her husband die, she is at liberty : Let her marry to whom she will: only in the Lord." (I Cor 7:39) "What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. ..Whosoever shall put away his wife and marry another commiteth adultery against her. And if the wife shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she will commit adultery." (Mark 10:9-11-12)

" For the woman that hath a husband, whilst he liveth is bound to the law. But if her husband be dead, she is loosed from the law ofher husband. Therefore, whilst her husband liveth, she shall be called an adulteress. if she be with another man: but if her husband be dead. she is delivered from the law ofher husband, so that she is not an adulteress if she be with another man" (Rom. 7:2-3)

Divorce and remarriage is a mortal sin because it is clearly against the law of God. A divorced person is not even permitted to keep company with another. Here we are speaking only of valid marriages, not invalid marriages. But do not judge whether your marriage is valid or not; talk to the priest who is giving you instructions. Remember that no law court can break a valid marriage. When you seek a civil divorce with the intent to remarry, you are wasting your money because God has never given anyone authority to break a marriage.

Let's consider the case of a very good wife and mother. She has many children. She has a drunken husband who beats her, runs around with other women perhaps and does not support the family. Suppose that she meets a fine man who would be a wonderful husband and father; yet not even in this case does God make an exception. Even if your partner is in an insane asylum, or if he marries again- you cannot marry again.

Why is God so strict? God knew that if He made one exception the lid would be off. He knew that couples would enter marriage with their fingers crossed, knowing that there was an "out" if something went wrong. They wouldn't face their problems as adults, but would run away from them in divorce. Experience shows that divorce, instead of solving a problem, opens the door to greater problems: children are the ones who suffer. Few men want to marry a divorced woman with children. It is difficult for children to be raised in a single parent home. It takes great vigilance, insight and love to be both father and mother to children of such a home. All too often juvenile delinquency comes from broken homes.

Divorce with the intent to remarry makes a mockery of the sacredness of marriage. The marriage promises are empty words among people with no religion.  It makes of marriage nothing more than a contract that promises a monogamous relationship. Each partner promises only one sex partner. But such a marriage lasts only as long as the "magic" does. Even the use of "pre-nuptial agreements" is wrong because it anticipates the possibility of divorce. Divorce has left a trail of broken hearts and homes in its wake. The possibility of divorce leads to unfaithfulness, suspicion, jealousy, anxiety, and an uncertain future.

The main thing: divorce is against God's Law. Please remember God didn't make two sets of laws, one for Catholics and one for non-Catholics. Everyone must obey God's laws - Protestants and Catholics alike.

D. BIRTH CONTROL

Birth Control is doing anything before, during or immediately after sexual intercourse to keep a woman from becoming pregnant. The use of male withdrawal, condoms, diaphragms, spermicidal jellies, medicines, birth control and/or abortion pills, is always a mortal sin. It is a violation of the natural law to prevent birth. The primary purpose of the sexual powers is to co-create with God a child. The secondary purpose for sex is the pleasure it brings. By resorting to birth control a couple reverses the purposes for sex putting pleasure ahead of responsibility --a very selfish motive.

Birth control is never allowed for health, money, or any other reason. Even if doctors warn about the health dangers of future pregnancy, there can be no justification to practice birth control. The Bible clearly forbids it.

" Judas therefore said to Onan, his son: Go into thy brother's wife and marry her, that thou mayest raise seed to thy brother . He knowing that the children should not be his. When he went into his brother's wife, spilled his seed the ground, lest children should be born in his brother's name. And therefore the Lord slew him because he did a detestable thing."

Birth Control leads to promiscuity, adultery, suspicion, and jealousy. It causes love to grow cold. Birth control is a selfish sin; people who practice it want the pleasure of marriage but not the burden of children. They want the material benefits their money will buy by not having children. The look forward to advancing their careers rather than adding to their joy by having children. If you practice birth control you can expect a lonely old age. Just ask any elderly couple with many children and grandchildren what their happiest days were and are.

If lack of money or poor health make it difficult for you to have children, then this is the cross Jesus wants you to carry - self-control. But remember with each cross, He gives you the strength to carry it.

E. ABORTION   Abortion is willfully causing the death of an unborn baby in any way. It is always a mortal sin. It is never allowed in any case whatsoever, not even to save the mother's life. The unborn baby is a human being and has the right to life. God has given no one the right to take away its life. To do so is murder, no matter what the doctor or some other atheistic scientists might say. You read in the newspaper of people killing little children. To kill an innocent child is a horrible crime. But there is no difference between this and abortion -both are murder. Worst of all, the baby dies without Baptism. Abortion is worse than murdering an adult. The adult at least had a chance to get to heaven. The baby does not get this chance.

Excommunication from the Church is the penalty for any Catholic who knowingly and willingly causes or helps cause an abortion. Excommunication means that he cannot receive the Sacraments; he cannot have a Catholic funeral. In most dioceses, abortion is called a "reserved" sin. It will take special permission by the priest from his bishop to forgive this sin. An excommunicated person can get back into the Church if he is truly sorry for having committed the crime and if he is sincerely promises not to do it again. The ordinary priest cannot take away the excommunication but must get special power from the bishop. Expectant mothers should be very careful about signing papers in the hospital. If you think the surgeon is suggesting an abortion, phone for a priest

F. STERILIZATION Sterilization is the sin of making the reproductive organs unfruitful- that is, making it impossible for the wife to become pregnant or for the husband's sperm not to come forth during sex. For the woman, it is usually done by tying or cutting the Fallopian tubes or seminal vesicles, or by removing the womb or ovaries. For the man, it is a surgical method of stopping the flow of sperm.

Sterilization with the intent prevent birth is always a mortal sin. Women having abdominal operations should tell the doctor not to tie the tubes because some non-Catholic doctors do this as a matter of course. Don't let the doctor talk you into being sterilized by describing what will happen if you are not sterilized. If you have already been sterilized, you must be sorry for the sin, but you don't have to be operated on again to have the surgery reversed.

G. CONCLUSION   If you have committed any of these sins, then tell God how sorry you are for them. Do not be discouraged and say you can't be a Catholic because you have been married more than once or because you have sinned in any other way. Speak to the priest who has charge of you; you will find him kind and sympathetic.