Catholic Faith Refresher Course

THE FOURTH COMMANDMENT

PART 1: THE DUTIES OF CHILDREN TOWARD THEIR PARENTS

"Honor they father and thy mother." (Exodus 20:12)

DIRECTIONS TO THE STUDENT

Probably you are receiving your instructions in a class of adults. This lesson is given to adults because adults should teach their children the duties which children have toward their parents. The duties parents have toward their children are studied in the next lesson.

A. INTRODUCTION

God brings children into the world through their parents. Then in His loving providence for the human race, He places the children under the authority of the parents until the children are able to take care of themselves. Therefore, God?s order of things commands children to love, obey and respect their parents. In fact without this love, obedience and respect parents cannot fulfill their duties as parents. Without the Fourth Commandment the family will become completely disorganized; it will be in total disorder.

Besides the voice of nature and the voice of God, there is a voice of gratitude which tells us that you must love, respect, and obey your parents. Why should you be grateful? You owe your very life to your parents. And you owe the preservation of that life to your parents. Consider the sufferings of your mother during the long months of pregnancy, the sickness and discomfort required to bring you into the world. And after you were born her troubles really began. Consider the sleepless nights and the restless days that you caused her when you were an infant. And don't forget your father's care for you. During the best years of his life he had to support you and provide for your welfare. He had to supply food, shelter, clothing, and education. This was his whole life. Parents give their lives for their children. The least children can do is to give their parents love, respect and obedience. God rewards those who show love, respect and obedience to their parents.

"Honor thy father and they mother, that thou mayest be long-lived upon the land which the Lord thy God will give thee." (Exodus 20:12)

The Bible also says: "He that honoreth his father shall enjoy a long life." (Ecclus.3:7) Thus, God promises a longer life here on earth if we obey the Fourth Commandment. God promises still more: "He that honoreth his father shall have joy in his own children." (Ecclus. 3:6) One of the greatest joys parents can wish for on this earth is joy in their own children.

B. THE OBLIGATION OF CHILDREN TO LOVE THEIR PARENTS

Just as children need love for a happy life, so also parents need the love of their children. Children should show love for their parents by signs of affection, by helping them, by praying for them and by making the home a place of joy and peace. Children should be taught to follow the example of the Christ Child Who loved His parents, Mary and Joseph.

Adults fail in love towards their elderly parents by refusing to help them when they are in need, by failing to visit them or console them in their loneliness, by neglecting to obtain the Sacraments of the Church for them when they cannot go to Church. These obligations oblige under pain of serious sin in many cases. Adults can and do commit this sin too often today.

C. THE OBLIGATION OF CHILDREN TO RESPECT THEIR PARENTS

Because your bishop and pastor have their authority from God Himself, you must respect them even though you do not like them or even if they have traits that are disagreeable to you. So also children must respect their parents even though their parents are sinners or even though their parents treat them unjustly; they are still parents and have the right to the respect of their children. This respect is something natural; for instance, a boy will resent someone talking about the drunkenness of his father.

As long as the children live, they must respect their parents even when they are no longer under the parents' roof. Even when the parents have died, the children must respect them by praying for them.

Children sin against the respect due to their parents by being ashamed of them in public, by threatening them, by striking them, or by treating them with contempt.

D. THE OBLIGATION OF CHILDREN TO OBEY THEIR PARENTS

The parents cannot take care of the spiritual and temporal welfare of their child unless he obeys his parents. Parents cannot do their duties as parents unless their children obey them.

A young child should be taught to obey his parents without question, without delay, and without complaint. An older child has the right to inquire about the reason for commands given to him; but he does not have the right to disobey those commands. Children should be taught to obey not only because of fear of the punishment of Almighty God. Above all, children should be taught the loving obedience of the Christ Child who was subject to Mary and Joseph out of love, all the time He lived with them in Nazareth.

The obligation to obey his parents ends when the child is married or reaches the age of twenty-one; but if the child lives with his parents after he has reached twenty-one, he must obey them in all matters of home discipline. But remember that the obligation to love and respect your parents never ends.

E. THE SINFULNESS OF DISOBEDIENCE

When parents oblige the child under pain of mortal sin in a matter of great importance, the child who disobeys commits a serious sin. Parents may not oblige the child under serious sin in a matter of little importance. If parents command under pain of venial sin, the disobedience is only a venial sin even if the matter is of great importance.

From the way the command is given children can tell whether the parents intend to bind them under serious sin or under venial sin or under no sin at all.

F. THE CHOICE OF A STATE OF LIFE

Children are not obliged to obey their parents in choosing to become a priest a sister or a religious brother. However, they are bound to consult their parents about such an important choice.

Young people who are keeping company (dating) are seriously obliged to consult their parents about those with whom they are keeping company. Children should remember that their parents love them, are interested in them, and have a world of experience; they will give them good advice. Therefore, the children have an obligation to consult their parents in this matter.

Parents, too, have a serious obligation to advise their children in the choice of a partner for marriage. Marriage leads many people to heaven; it also leads many other people to hell. Therefore, parents are obliged to do everything in their power to help their child toward a happy Christian marriage. If a girl is thinking of marrying a pagan, a drunkard or a man who will not support her, the parents are obliged to give sound advice and the child is bound to listen.

QUESTIONS FOR REVIEW OF THIS LESSON

1. What are the duties of children toward their parents?

2. At what age does our obligation to obey our parents cease?

3. What is the obligation we have to love our parents?

4. Should children consult their parents when they prepare to choose a state in life?

5. How do we show respect to our parents?